Something’s Bothering Me

I do not allow myself to say that I ever truly loved, or that I ever will love. It’s a harsh truth I stuff underneath the “flirty” persona I play. 

I throw myself at guys like I have nothing to lose. I tell myself, and my friends, that I’ve got nothing to lose, that where my heart should be is a field of burnt bridges. I tell people that I don’t believe in love but I can’t forget the way his hand felt on mine. 

I loved once. I know I did. It’s something I’ve always been embarassed about. It’s something I don’t talk about until it’s past two in the morning and I am sad. 

And I remember everything. I remember how I closed my eyes as he walked away, but I didn’t cry. Where my heart should have been, was an empty space, a riven. He left a riven in my chest and I never gained back enough self love to stitch it back up. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s